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“No,” Briana said through a chuckle. “Although, and I know I’m making a big deal out of it…” She loved Dylan so much she couldn’t help but swoon even in absentia. “But how great is she?”

  “She is great. I’m teasing you. I might be the tiniest bit jealous.”

  “Stop.” Briana waved Stef off with her napkin.

  “I will.” Stef nodded as she eyed the next bite to devour. “What were you really going to say? What’s on your mind?”

  Was she really considering this? Briana put her slice down and wiped each finger with precision, second-guessing herself for the millionth time as she said, “I’m thinking about leaving the US Attorney’s Office.”

  “Oh, good. So, nothing drastic, then?”

  God, she loved the way Stef could make anything seem not dour. Here she was talking about upending her career path, and off the bat Stef made her laugh about it. “It’s not for the reason you’re thinking.”

  “It’s not because you’re in love with the lead case detective?”

  “Dylan’s not the lead.”

  “Irrelevant. Move to strike.” Stef pretended to wait for a ruling from the imaginary judge before turning back to Briana. “I’d win this case, but go on.”

  “You wouldn’t. I’m amazing in court.” Briana rarely bragged about herself. But when it came to her job, she was in a league of her own, and she knew it. “Which is kind of my point, though.” She toyed with a bit of crust on her plate. “Look. I can’t pretend Dylan doesn’t factor into my thought process. Of course her role in the investigation plays a part.” She took a sip of wine, still struggling to wrap her own head around what she was considering. “It’s more than that, though.”

  “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “I’ve worked for the federal government for most of my career. I’ve prosecuted a lot of cases. Learned a ton. Worked with some excellent attorneys.”

  “You think you’ve reached a point of diminishing returns?”

  “I don’t know that I’d go that far. I love my job. I think I could be great running that office someday. It’s still my career aspiration.” She swirled her wine. “I’m starting to think some varied experience might help me attain that goal. And make me a better attorney when I get that coveted spot.”

  Stef nodded, and Briana knew her brain was churning the info. She could almost hear the thought process.

  “Look, Stef. Obviously sleeping with Dylan was not the brightest move, as far as my career goes. And yes, I’m concerned it could be exposed at trial and color the perception of the investigation. But honestly, that’s not even my main motivator right now. Men sleep with opposing counsel, investigators, victims, defendants.” She rolled her eyes remembering a huge news story from two years back. “It doesn’t derail entire cases or end their careers. There’s no reason it should have that effect on mine.”

  “The rules are different for women, and you know it.”

  “I know,” she said, taking a minute to let the impact of injustice sink in. “I refuse to let archaic rules dictate my behavior.” She took a bite of pizza to punctuate her defiance. But even as she chewed, she knew her feelings went beyond proving a point. “I keep coming back to the same thing, though.”

  “Which is?”

  “If we were only sleeping together, it would be different.” There was no way to make this sound like anything other than what it was. “If that was the situation, I could justify it. Or stop it,” she added almost as an afterthought.

  “You’re past that point.” Stef understood her.

  “I’m afraid being in love with her will affect my judgment. It hasn’t yet. Mostly because I’m compartmentalizing the hell out of my life. But it’s a challenge. And what if I fuck up this case?”

  “You won’t.”

  “I’m glad you’re sure.”

  “Bri, I’ve known you since we were first year law students together. I’ve seen you ace killer classes, win impossible trials, and date difficult people. I’m not saying Dylan is difficult,” she said, modifying her response. “It’s just, I know you can handle this. The question is whether or not you want to.”

  “I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to be doing.”

  “Have you talked to Dylan about this?”

  Briana dropped her head onto the counter. “No,” she muttered into her shirt sleeves.

  “Why don’t you talk to her?” Stef petted her head like a child. “Get her take?”

  “She’s not going to be happy.”

  Briana stood upright and took a sip of wine, for a moment mulling the argument to stay on board. “Changing AUSAs mid-investigation”—she widened her eyes—“isn’t optimal. The detective team will have to bring whoever takes over up to speed. Not everyone is like me. Living and breathing my job twenty-four seven. AUSAs come with varied levels of competency and dedication.” That was all true. But it wasn’t the reason she hadn’t talked about it with Dylan yet. “I think she’s going to take it personally.”

  “But it’s not personal.”

  “This case means a lot to her. To her career. I’m aggressive. More so than some of my colleagues. I let her do a lot because I trust her. We have an established rapport.”

  “Yeah. And established positions. I’m talking, like, reverse cowgirl.”

  Briana almost spit her wine out.

  “I’m kidding, but I’m not,” Stef said. “My point is, you two are entangled. On multiple levels. There’s a physical connection. An emotional connection. It’s a lot to manage.” She reached out and touched Briana’s hand. “Talk to her. Tell her how you feel, what your concerns are. Be honest. She’ll listen. I really believe that.”

  Briana let out a heavy sigh, knowing Stef was right. “Don’t say anything this weekend, okay?” She was still so conflicted. “I still don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  “I’m not going to say anything. You have my word.” Stef opened the pizza box like she was thinking about another slice. “You put any feelers out yet?”

  “No.” Briana reached for a kitchen knife and sliced an end piece down the middle, giving half to Stef.

  “You should talk to JJ,” Stef said, reaching for the grated cheese. “She’d hire you in a second. I know that for a fact.” Stef topped off their wine. “I know you make fun of her for going into the private sector and all that, but her firm is doing some really good stuff.”

  “I know they are. I just read that article in The New York Law Journal about the class action matter they pursued where the victims were all minorities.” It was a good case involving politics, discrimination, and advocacy. She’d been proud to know the attorney brave enough to take it on. “I tease JJ, but the truth is she’s an outstanding litigator doing some great work.”

  “Talk to her when she gets back,” Stef urged.

  “Maybe,” Briana said. It was nice to know she had an option even though she was still on the fence herself. “I reserve the right to not make a decision today.” She nodded resolutely.

  Stef lifted her wine in the air. “To snowstorms and indecision.”

  “To great pizza and hot girlfriends.” Briana seconded the toast with a raised glass and a smile. The second Dylan passed through her mind, she couldn’t keep her joy hidden. In that instant she knew, no matter what decision she came to, everything would be okay.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  The end of February was a beast, and March wasn’t looking much better. Constant snowfall and single-digit temps virtually stalled the investigation. The weather was screwing with everyone’s schedule—even the bad guys didn’t want to brave the elements, it seemed. The team couldn’t catch a break on surveillance. But at least Dylan had made two more undercover oxycodone purchases from Benji, and that was enough to keep some forward momentum. On the upside, Dylan chose to leverage every spare minute she could steal with Briana. Even if it meant grocery shopping on a Sunday morning.

  Dylan jacked up the heat as she navigated slowly along the cobbl
estone streets of Red Hook to Briana’s favorite supermarket. The parking lot was a ghost town, and she pulled into a space right in the front row.

  “Look at that.” Across the console Dylan touched Briana’s arm and pointed at the tiny Statue of Liberty visible in the harbor. “I can’t believe what a clear view there is from here.”

  “Kind of beautiful, right?”

  “It is.”

  When Briana turned back to face her, Dylan was so caught up in the moment she almost went for a kiss, forgetting they were in public.

  “Soon, baby.” Briana touched her face softly, answering the unspoken desire. The gesture was thoughtful and exactly what Dylan needed for reassurance they were on the same page. “Come on—let’s face the cold, stock up on some essentials, then go home and I’ll make us brunch. Sound good?”

  It sounded fantastic. “What’s special about this store?” Dylan asked. She wasn’t complaining so much as curious to know why Briana loved it so much.

  “I guess nothing, really.” Briana laughed as she hugged herself against the cold. “I like the layout. Reasonable prices. Everything’s all in one place. No running from one specialty store to the other, like our neighborhood. And they have an amazing coffee selection. Wait until you see it.”

  Dylan leaned in close to touch their shoulders together. “Don’t tell me. It’s all boxes of flavored Keurig?” she teased.

  “Ha.” Briana scrunched her nose the way Dylan loved and hooked her elbow. “Now that you’re my girlfriend, I don’t have to pretend that’s the only coffee I’ll drink.”

  “I knew it was a farce.”

  “From minute one, I suspect.”

  “Not really. I will admit I had a sneaking suspicion you were coming to the plant to see me as much as for the coffee.” Dylan leaned in close and kissed her cheek.

  Briana didn’t pull back. “We still have to be careful,” she said as she reached for a shopping cart.

  “Pshh.” Dylan took control of the handle so she could steer. “Kisses should be one of the perks of having to go shopping at the end of the earth.”

  “The perks are going to be French toast made from the amazing baguettes that are baked on-site. And I’m going to top it with fresh strawberries and bananas.”

  Dylan pinched her waist. “I’m going to top you with fresh strawberries and bananas.”

  Briana placed a bunch of bananas into the wagon. “Ooh, we should get whipped cream.”

  “You are a tease,” Dylan whined as she cocked her head back.

  Briana touched her belly. “It’s not teasing if there’s follow-through.” She bit her lip and wiggled her eyebrows, and Dylan couldn’t resist. She reached for Briana’s hand and held it.

  “I love you,” she said.

  “I know.” Briana’s voice was low and soft as she squeezed her hand and blew a small kiss. It was a trifle of a moment, but Dylan felt it everywhere.

  “Hey, guys. Cold enough out there for ya?”

  Dylan turned and dropped Briana’s hand in a flash. She had been so lost in her own world that she hadn’t even noticed the arrival of a scruffy hipster nearby. But sure enough, Shawn Fisher was not two feet away, comparing apples for ripeness.

  “Yo, Shawn, what’s up?” Dylan tried to sound like she hadn’t just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “I thought you were on the wire today,” she said, even though she knew the plant schedule inside out.

  “Trish and Ahmed today,” he said as he rested his basket next to some Granny Smiths. “Hello.” Shawn smiled at Briana.

  “Oh.” Dylan snapped into action. “You know Briana, right? She’s the AUSA on our case,” she said, then rounded out the introductions. “Shawn’s one of the new detectives we stole from Team 4 a little while back.”

  “Yes, I remember.” Briana smiled at Shawn, but Dylan saw her guard go up. “We had a mini meeting when he first transferred in. To take care of the paperwork,” Briana explained to Dylan.

  “Right. Of course.” Dylan smacked her forehead with the base of her hand, mortified that she was overtalking and making things awkward. “What am I saying?” She leaned her weight on the cart and nodded at the milk and bread in Shawn’s basket. “You live around here?”

  “Yeah. Right over on Wolcott.” He pointed in the direction of the entrance. “What about you guys?”

  Dylan ticked her head toward Briana. “We’re neighbors up in Carroll Gardens. Briana’s a sucker for the baguettes here.”

  “They are amazing.”

  “I’m excited to see for myself.” Dylan rubbed her hands together in anticipation. “Anyway. Good to see you, Shawn. Catch you tomorrow.”

  “Have a good one,” he said with a wave.

  They were quiet for a few seconds, and Dylan made sure they were out of earshot when she asked, “Are you okay?”

  “I’m not great.” Briana’s tone was all stress as she placed some agave sweetener in the bed of the cart.

  Dylan wanted to comfort her. She wanted to stop everything and take Briana in her arms and hug her. Kiss her forehead, tell her everything was fine. But there was no way that would go over, so she wheeled along in silence until they reached the bakery section. “I know you’re freaking out, but I really think it’s going to be fine.”

  “I know you do.” Briana examined the baguettes with care before selecting one and placing it down gingerly. “Whatever happened with Trevor?”

  When Briana finally made eye contact her expression was steel, and Dylan had no idea what she was talking about.

  “A while back, you said you thought he knew. Did you ever talk to him?”

  “No.” She frowned. “It never came up again, and I let it go. It felt like the best way to handle it.” Dylan really believed it was no big deal. She thought the same about Shawn. Everyone was too busy with their own lives to really be invested in things that had no bearing on them. “As far as Shawn is concerned, think about it for a minute. It is completely plausible for us to shop together here. I have a car. You live around the block from me.”

  “Dylan, it’s nine a.m. on a Sunday morning.”

  She shrugged. “It’s only weird if we make it weird.”

  Briana answered her with an eye roll.

  “Shawn isn’t going to say a word. I feel confident in that.”

  “You feel confident in everything.” Briana’s tone was soft, but it carried a touch of bitterness.

  “Listen to me.” Dylan moved just slightly closer so she could lower her voice. “Shawn has his own shit going on. He’s trans, did you know that?”

  “I know,” Briana admitted.

  “Did you also know that the guys on Team 4 are complete assholes?” It drove her crazy to have to dignify their behavior by giving it a forum. “Like, they don’t technically harass him.” She threw air quotes around the word. “But they’re not nice to him either.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  “He’s happy with us on Team 2. And he’s a good detective. He uncovered the Medicaid scam Paul’s running under the umbrella of his law practice, and the Social Security stuff he’s involved in.” She waved it off. “My point is…he’s a good fit with us. We want him to stay. I think he wants that too.”

  “And you think that means he’s not going to say anything.”

  “Well that, and he’s just not that kind of guy. He’s not a gossip. He’s just…nice.”

  “Okay,” Briana said, but she didn’t seem as relaxed as Dylan had hoped, and she wasn’t willing to leave it be.

  “I see you stewing over there,” she said as she pushed the cart along. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking. Let me help you.”

  Briana stopped dead in the potato chip aisle.

  “There is something I want to talk to you about.”

  She’d never seen Briana look so serious. Dylan’s heart raced with slight apprehension. She swallowed hard, trying to prep—for what, she wasn’t sure.

  “What is it?”

  Briana tilted her
head to the fluorescent lights overhead, her shoulders dropping in a kind of surrender. “I’m thinking about leaving the US Attorney’s Office.”

  Dylan let out a full breath in relief. A job change she could handle. Support, even. “Where would you go, private practice?”

  “I don’t have it all figured out yet. But that is what I’m thinking, yes.”

  “Well, you have time to figure our something.” Dylan squeezed her shoulder with a touch that could easily be platonic. “Nieves was just saying it would be at least spring before we take the case down.”

  “No, Dylan.” Briana’s knuckles went white as she clutched the edge of the cart. “I’m considering leaving now. Midcase.”

  “Wait. Now?” Dylan’s heart pounded fiercely. Why was Briana sabotaging them? “You’re going to leave over Shawn Fisher? That’s insane.” Dylan was hurt that Briana didn’t trust her enough not to give up.

  “It’s not because of him. It’s all of this.” She held her arms out and half spun around. “The sneaking around. The hiding. I hate it. I want to be with you anywhere I want. Not look over my shoulder the whole time.”

  God, she felt the same way. It was a constant struggle to not act on her feelings all the time. Even in the parking lot, she’d forced her hands in her pockets to keep her instincts at bay.

  “It’s getting harder,” Briana said. “I know you feel it too.”

  “But is this really the only solution?” She was just shy of begging, but she wanted more of Briana, not less. “What if we went away? For a weekend. We could take a ride out to Montauk or Mystic?”

  “Honestly? I would love that. But when?” Briana’s expression was almost pleading. “Think about it. This case has us constantly on call. There’s hardly been a weekend when one of us hasn’t run into the office—you to listen to a call, me to amend the warrant. Going away right now…it’s just not feasible.”

  “But the case won’t last forever.” Dylan knew Briana was making sense, but she fought the logic anyway. “I don’t want to lose you. In any capacity,” she said.

  “You wouldn’t be losing me, though.” Briana uncrossed her arms and reached out to her. It was a simple touch but it felt so nice. Why was she resisting this?