Perfect Partners Page 20

  “That’s it, a shrug?”

  “What do you want me to say, Nic?”

  “You could have told me you were seeing someone,” Nicole responded coolly. “I thought…” She shook her head, seeming genuinely puzzled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Sara was stunned. “Do we tell each other when we’re seeing people now?” Her response was sharper than she intended, but she knew for a fact Nicole had dated other people over the years, and they had never spoken of it.

  “I’m not seeing anyone,” Nicole barked. “I am busy reorganizing my entire life to be with you.”

  Sara stepped into the office and shut the door. “Do not make this about me. That’s not fair.”

  “It is about you.” Nicole stood up and turned slightly, almost seeming unsure where to go. She swept back her silky red hair with both hands, letting it fall against her shoulders. “What do you think I’ve been doing here?”

  “Honestly, Nicole”—Sara lifted both palms high in frustration—“I have no idea. Are you transferring back to New York?”

  “Of course I am.”

  “And it didn’t occur to you that I might be interested in that tiny detail?”

  “I thought you knew.”

  “How? How would I know?”

  Nicole looked at the ceiling and let out a somewhat labored breath. “Everybody knows. Come on, Sara. You knew.”

  “I heard rumors, that’s it. You never said a word.”

  “I couldn’t say anything.” Nicole’s voice matched Sara’s frustration as she leaned against the back wall. “Until it was set in stone.” Her tone softened. “I didn’t want to jinx it.”

  Sara couldn’t believe this was happening. “And is it?”

  Nicole answered with a nod. “I came here to tell you in person. I was waiting until I could tell you everything.” She looked down, seeming dismayed as she smoothed out her sleek dress pants. “I had hoped we would make some arrangements to see each other last weekend, but you never got back to me, so I delayed my trip until today. Again, I was hoping for a weekend to celebrate together.”

  Their gazes locked, and for the first time in ages, Sara saw absolute vulnerability behind Nicole’s piercing green eyes.

  “Nicole,” she started, but without anything else to say, her name hung between them.

  Nicole came around from behind her desk and her voice was soft when she said, “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

  “Come on, Nic. Over the years…be honest. We don’t talk about that stuff.” Sara felt herself letting out a long, slow breath as she found her civility. “I know for a fact you were dating the Special Agent in Charge of the FBI Denver office for almost two years, and you never once mentioned it.” She shrugged. “At least not to me directly.”

  “There have been other people for you too,” Nicole said, as though that justified her silence on the subject.

  Sara nodded. “You’re right. I dated some, here and there. There’s been no one serious, which I expect you know.” She shook her head. “My point is we don’t really share this stuff with one another. I’m not sure I even understand why,” she said, her voice revealing the truth of her uncertainty.

  “Because of this.” Nicole slowly waved one finger between them, her face serene and sexy. “Us,” she said. In the dim light, she seemed hopelessly exposed, unguarded and beautifully bare in her candor. “It always comes back to us.”

  “Nicole, you’ve been gone for so long.” Her voice was pleading but she didn’t really know why. She was happy with Izzy.

  “I know.” Nicole focused on her heels as she took a step forward. “You’re right.” She reached for Sara’s hand. “But then…March,” she said, looking right into Sara’s eyes as she referenced their one night together. “You were there. You know what happened.”

  In all the time that passed since then—the texts, emails, phone calls, and one on one interactions just like this—they’d never once broached the subject of their encounter on that snowy night in March. Sara was stunned.

  “God, we never even talked about it,” she huffed.

  “Because we didn’t need to,” Nicole responded. She must’ve read Sara’s disbelief because she pressed on. “Sara, after all these years, you need me to tell you how I feel?” She squeezed Sara’s hand ever so slightly. “I love you. I always have.” She rubbed her thumb over Sara’s hand. “And now, finally, the timing is working out.”

  “Your timing. It’s always on your timeline.”

  “My career is important to me, yes. But don’t put this all on me. I wanted you to come with me when I moved. You stayed here for a dog. Think for a second how that feels.”

  “I stayed for my job, which I happen to love, and for the only family I’ve ever really known.” Sara waved her arm toward the facility beyond the office walls, making it clear she meant John and the staff, but her dogs too. “You knew what this place meant to me. You left anyway.”

  “You’re right,” she said, seeming uncharacteristically embarrassed by the truth. “I wish I had done things differently, although I suppose I only realize that now, after the fact.” She was quiet when she turned around to straighten some papers on the desk, and Sara thought she might be nervous. A second passed.

  “Whatever the reasons, we waited a long time for this moment. You and me back in the same place again. I’d like to give it a real shot.” Nicole looked right at her. “If you’re willing.”

  Sara was blown away by the assumption inherent in Nicole’s tone. “I have a girlfriend. Did you miss that?”

  “Hard to,” she said with a pained smile as she ticked her head in the direction of the kennel area. “I did see the display.”

  “Yeah, that was…” She was unsure how to explain her atypical public show of affection with Izzy. “Nicole,” she started, but Nicole cut her off with a wave of her hand.

  “Sara, whatever you have with this girl”—she shook her head dismissively—“it’s fine. I understand you have needs, desires. We all do.” She averted her eyes glancing at the far wall. “I don’t hold it against you for not waiting for me or believing I was coming back to you.”

  “Christ, Nicole.” Sara’s voice hit an octave she didn’t know she had in her. “I did believe it.” She felt the tears starting to build and she hated the thought of letting Nicole see her cry. “For years I waited for you.” She tried to keep from yelling. “Years of hoping and waiting and watching you take promotion after promotion with no sign of slowing down.”

  “I did that for us. For this.” Her voice equaled Sara’s in both emotion and volume before she stepped away, clearly attempting to regain her composure. “I’m sorry for raising my voice,” she said. “I just meant I kept moving up and taking those assignments so that I could have this—the opportunity to write my own ticket. Finally, I’m able to work from anywhere.” She let out a long sigh, seeming to release the tension from her entire being. “It would be a shame to waste it because you’re swept up in something that’s obviously fleeting.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Oh, come on, Sara.” A small snicker escaped her. “How old is she, twenty-five?”

  “She’s twenty-seven,” Sara responded sharply, not sure what age had to do with anything.

  “Twenty-five, twenty-seven, same thing,” Nicole paused. “In a year she’ll take the sergeant’s exam. Then lieutenant. Captain, after that. There’s no telling how high she’ll go. She’s a very capable officer and a smart woman.” Sara’s surprise at the praise must have been written all over her face, because Nicole answered her unspoken question. “I don’t endorse just anyone without doing some research of my own.”

  While Sara reflected on her words, Nicole continued, “My point is, her career is just starting.” Her voice was soft and gentle. “We’re beyond that.” Nicole stepped forward, reaching for her hand again and rubbing it smoothly. “We’re ready to settle down and have the future we used to talk about. Sara, I know I must still mean something to you.”


  In her eyes, Sara saw real emotion, and her heart ached a little. “It’s not that simple, Nic. I care about her. A lot.”

  “Enough to toss aside everything we’ve sacrificed for?”

  Sara didn’t even hesitate. “I love her.”

  Nicole laughed. “I’m sure it seems like love. It always does when everything is new and exciting. But Sara—”

  “You’re wrong.” She registered the look of surprise on Nicole’s face at her proclamation. With a shrug she added, “I don’t know, maybe you’re right and I’m falling prey to the newness and the excitement. But I don’t think that’s it.” She shook her head. “She’s all I think about. She has been, for months. Since I met her, really. I tried to talk myself out of it, God, did I try.” She almost laughed as she considered the wasted energy. “And yes, she’ll probably go for promotions. Why shouldn’t she?” She didn’t bother to keep her pride in check. “She’s a great handler and a great cop. I’ll support her every step of the way.”

  “Ouch.”

  Sara hated that it sounded like a competition of her past and present feelings and she tried to massage it. “I just mean…I don’t know. I want to be with her. Whatever it takes.”

  “I think you’re rushing into things.” Nicole folded her arms over her chest. “And in time I think you’ll realize this was a mistake.”

  “Maybe.” Sara nodded, even though she didn’t agree. It hardly seemed worth arguing over. Not now, when she was finally sure what she wanted. “I should go,” she said, turning to leave, but her voice was a whisper and she didn’t even wait to hear Nicole’s response.

  Chapter Twenty

  As she walked to her office, Sara contemplated hopping in her truck and heading right to Izzy’s house to talk face-to-face. But what if she hadn’t gone home? Or worse, what if she didn’t want to see her? Her heart told her that wasn’t the case, but she decided to play it safe.

  Her hands were shaking a little as she scrolled through her phone and selected Izzy’s name from her list of favorites. Four rings before it went to voice mail. That was a terrible sign. She ended the call without leaving a message, packed up her things, and headed to her room, resigned to sit it out and wait in her dorm room.

  When another hour passed with no word, she tried again.

  “Hey.” Izzy’s voice was hollow and it made Sara’s heart sink.

  “Hi.” Fueled with hope and anticipation, Sara’s response was overly upbeat, and she tried desperately to find the right tone even though she had no clue what it was. “I was hoping we could talk.”

  “I don’t think there’s anything left to say.” Sara heard the sound of water running and dishes clanking in the background.

  “How is your face?” she asked, suddenly remembering the morning’s injury.

  “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

  “Can I come see you?” she blurted out. There was a long moment of silence and Sara couldn’t take it. “Please?” she begged.

  “Sara.”

  Sara heard the faucet shut off and she pictured Izzy standing in her kitchen, still in her training gear, Chase close by. She hated that Izzy didn’t immediately say yes, echo her need for contact, encourage her to come over, have dinner, spend the night making everything right between them.

  “Did you see Nicole?” Izzy asked.

  “Yes,” she answered honestly. “But it’s not what you think.”

  “I don’t even know what I think,” she said.

  “Izzy—”

  “I don’t think you know what you want, Sara. When you’re with me, honestly, it feels like you’re with me. But then Nicole shows up, and I don’t know, she has this hold on you. I don’t know what to do about that.”

  “You’re right,” Sara said. “I don’t know that I’ve ever thought of it that way. But you’re right.” She weighed the truth of Izzy’s words for a split second before coming clean. “I was scared.” She hated that it sounded like a pathetic excuse. “The truth is, I’ve known Nicole, God, for years. She’s more than a friend—she’s kind of family in a bizarre way. I didn’t want to lose that.” She sighed, realizing how selfish she’d been. “She’s been a constant in my life, in some form or another, forever, it seems.” Izzy was completely quiet so she continued. “But then today, when I realized I’d maybe lost you, I don’t know, that scared me more. Way more.”

  “Sara, I just can’t spend my life competing for your attention. I want more than that. I deserve more.”

  “You do, Izzy. I am so sorry I made you feel that it was ever like that. You’re who I want. You. I told Nicole that.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. Just now. I know that doesn’t excuse my behavior to this point.”

  “What did she say?”

  Sara paused, wondering how much she should reveal.

  “Be honest with me.” Izzy had read her silence.

  “She’s moving back to New York. Nicole’s new assignment comes with the option of working from Overton.”

  “She’s moving here for you, isn’t she?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Izzy. I don’t want to be with Nicole.”

  “I knew it.”

  Sara heard the sadness in Izzy’s voice and she wanted to see her, to hold her, to kiss the pain away. To show her where her heart was. “Please let me come there. I need to see you.”

  “Let’s just…” Izzy paused, and Sara felt her heart stop, waiting for her to finish. “Let’s just take some time, okay? I’m not in a good place and certifications are next week. I need to get my head on straight.”

  “Are you coming to class tomorrow?” Sara heard desperation in her tone, but she continued anyway. “It’s not mandatory, but we’ll be doing some light drills, overview, stuff like that,” she said, hoping to sell it.

  “No.” Izzy’s tone said there was no room for negotiation. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Sara wondered if her disappointment could be felt through the phone because Izzy stuttered a little before she spoke again.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to see you. In a way the opposite’s true. But I’ll see you and I’ll forgive you. Immediately. Because I want to be with you. You know that. But I think right now we could both use some distance. To think, and process, and not act purely out of emotion. I know even being near you will make me feel better. It’s just, God, I know this is babyish.” Izzy paused but clearly wanted to say more, so Sara waited.

  “Nicole will be there. Right next to you, like she always is. I know, I know, it’s her job,” she piped out, obviously frustrated as she exhaled a sound that was half sigh, half groan. “But I can’t handle seeing that right now. I think it’s better for me if I just avoid that situation altogether.”

  “I understand.” Sara knew it wasn’t fair to push, even though she was devastated.

  “I have to go,” Izzy said, filling the short silence. “We’ll talk over the weekend.” Sara heard Izzy’s voice break before she ended the call with a click, leaving her absolutely no choice in the matter.

  ***

  Izzy spent the bulk of Saturday in her yard with Chase working on basic commands mixed with some hide-and-seek challenges using his favorite toys. It kept her mind occupied and it forced her to stay in the present. For the last two days, her mind had been in overdrive and she’d barely slept at all. A hundred times she almost caved and called Sara. But she believed in her suggestion to have time apart to separately assess their feelings, didn’t she?

  Still, she was dying for contact, wondering if Sara missed her or if she’d talked to Nicole again. The thought crept in unwittingly, followed by an even more harrowing fear that perhaps in asking for space, she’d given Sara the gateway to work things out with her ex. She felt nauseous even considering such an outcome. Fighting back her sorrow, she hooked Chase onto his leash, determined that a long hike in Daley Park would burn off the remainder of her dog’s energy and settle her own anxiety.

  It was a glorious day but t
he woods did nothing to alleviate her stress. Everything reminded her of Sara. The beautiful blue sky, the lush forest, the rustic trails. Less than half a mile in, she turned around.

  “Come on, buddy. Let’s go home.” Chase followed without protest. “I have to call her,” she said. “Even though I don’t have a clue what to say.”

  Chase loped along, seeming to commiserate. He’d barely left her side all weekend.

  “It’ll be okay,” she said, hoping it was the truth.

  As if Chase sensed her urgency, he pulled ahead on the leash, and as soon as Izzy could see the edge of her property, she unhooked the lead and let him run free.

  She watched him gallop across the yard and race up the steps of the back porch. Her jaw fell open and she couldn’t help but smile as Chase pranced in a circle around Sara, who was waiting on the deck.

  Even from the distance she could feel the pureness of Sara’s actions when she dropped to her knees and rubbed his head and shoulders and back. Izzy felt her heart pound, her body brimming with love and longing as she resisted the urge to run right into her arms.

  “I couldn’t stay away any longer.” Sara stood when Izzy reached the stairs. “I hope it’s okay I’m here.” She held out her hand and Izzy took it, letting Sara pull her close. “I just missed you.”

  Izzy sank into the embrace, holding Sara tight, the feel of their bodies together erasing every last doubt she had. Sara wanted her, she knew it. She could feel it. Without a word, she tilted her head up and Sara found her lips. “I love you so much, Izzy.” Her voice was desperate between soft kisses. “I can’t lose you.”

  Izzy’s kisses were needy in response and, to her surprise, coupled with tears. She felt Sara’s fingertips wiping them away, her lips tracing their tracks.

  “Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry. For everything,” she whispered. “It’s you I want.” Sara leaned back, her eyes meeting Izzy’s. “I can work anywhere. I’ll get another job if I have to. I don’t need to work at Overton.”